So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize
