Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
