You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Randomize
