but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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