she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
