If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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