wat bout pragnant strippers??
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
