You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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