sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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