How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
