Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
