How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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