Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Four minutes until I can fart!
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
