Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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