So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
