The maid of honor just puked.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
