Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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