ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize