i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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