Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I just blew my weed a kiss
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
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