I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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