her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
