We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
