dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
