U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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