well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
