Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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