i already hear my dad disowning me
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize