woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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