Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Terrible idea I love it
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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