Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
i need some magic done to my vagina
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
