I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
