Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
