people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
