Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
