today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
