Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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