woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize