it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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