I'm jealous of your bromance
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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