Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
