I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Non-Jews are for practice
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
