I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
