is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
