Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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