Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
