Will you blow on my dice?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
