guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
