She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
