I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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