Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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