I can't watch pbs sober anymore
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
