I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
birth control should be required to get into college
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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