Yo dont text me then not text me
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
we made out on top of his cat.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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