they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
