Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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