We're facebook friends in real life
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
