I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize