I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
