i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
