I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
