Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize