weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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