I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
