A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
