So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize