my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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