she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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