Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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