My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
