you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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