i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
