I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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